SELECTED INTERVIEWS ABOUT THINGS WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT WHEN I WAS A GIRL
Between the Covers | with David Naimon
WYPR's On the Record | with Sheilah Kast
The Believer | with Amy Berkowitz
When it came to evaluating the transcripts between Mark and me, my friends pointed out specific examples of Mark evading responsibility. They could see his false equivalencies. And yet I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Electric Literature | with Masie Cochran
#MeToo is about empowering and supporting victims/survivors, and it’s about holding perpetrators accountable. Some of us may disagree about what accountability looks like. But #MeToo is massive enough and sturdy enough to hold different points of view.
Epiphany | with Sophia Shalmiyev
Women are expected to tell their stories—whether in the courtroom or on the page—in mostly impossible ways, and I resent that. And I resent that we’re judged—as women and as artists—for how we satisfy narrative/storytelling norms formalized by men.
Bitch | with Melissa Faliveno
I was thinking about the ways misogyny has shaped my thinking, and the idea that there’s no one way for a victim or survivor to respond or feel.
Ploughshares | with Ray Barker
So in writing this book, I hoped to undermine our cultural perception of rapists. It’s terrifying to think our loved ones are capable of rape, but it’s essential we acknowledge the possibility.
New York's The Cut | with Erica Schwiegershausen
He said, “I’m sorry,” and immediately I was saying, “oh no, it’s okay, we talked about it, I’m fine.” I immediately tried to be accommodating. It felt genuine at the time.
Shondaland | with Sarah Neilson
After I talk with my students, I just feel hopeful about the future, and thankful that I get to spend this time with these kind, empathetic people every week. That is giving me so much hope in a time when it's really hard to feel hopeful.
Bustle | with E. Ce Miller
The shame I felt when writing this book, in 2018, and the shame I felt when the rape happened, back in 2003, made talking about the rape incredibly hard — yet the shame existed for different reasons
Harper's Bazaar | with Nicole Froio
If memoirs about sexual violence are more marketable than they were five years ago—and it does seem that way—I believe there's a lot of good in that. The marketability brings more people into discussions of sexual violence, which means that more people have the language to talk about sexual violence.
Nylon | with Rafael Frumkin
I remember being incredibly anxious—near-panic—doing the transcriptions of the conversations with Mark because I thought, If this sentence isn't exactly like it was recorded on my phone, my entire story will be discredited.
Self | with Hahna Yoon
I wish the justice system were better. I wish there were therapeutic treatments for perpetrators. I would have had such an easier time pressing charges against Mark or against the guy who raped me in my 20s if there were humane prisons where perpetrators were given therapy. Then, I would think he should be punished because the punishment would be productive.
Columbus Alive | with Andy Downing
And this is not a manifesto. It’s just one person’s experience and how I responded. By no means am I holding myself up as a model or saying, ‘This is how you go about achieving restorative justice.’
Kirkus | with Marion Winik
What disturbs me about our conversation is the fact that he said all the right things. He said all the right things back when we were friends, too. That doesn’t mean he was lying, but that our words and our actions don’t always align the way we think they will.
The Times (UK) | with Jane Mulkerrins
It was strange hearing his voice after all that time, but it almost felt like we weren’t talking about ourselves — I was viewing him as a character.
The Rumpus | with The Rumpus Book Club
Learning the FBI’s revised definition of rape was life changing. It reminded me of how important language is.
Lit Hub | with Teddy Wayne
I hate when readers accuse me of writing books for profit. If I was trying to make money, would I really write formally inventive memoirs layered with meta-narratives?
Shelf Awareness | with Julia Kastner
This book became a lot more emotional than I thought it would. But it did give me control over the narrative, to see Mark as a character on the page.
Kansas City Star | with Steve Wieberg
The book kind of felt like armor. I had a reason to contact him, and it immediately put me in a position of power — like I’m writing about this, I’m controlling the narrative.
Welter | with Emely Rodriguez
People judge women who’ve been sexually assaulted more than once—instead of looking at the larger cultural messages we’re sending boys and men.
Ligeia | with Sean Sam
My opinion on a lot of it changes. There might be a day when I’m just completely full of rage and then another day where I think I’m over it. The book might be very different if I returned to it in 10 years.
Tin House Galley Club
A big part of apologizing is making that apology public to the people in one’s community. In this instance, it’d be his family. I lost my relationship with his family. He knows that. And I think he knows it’s the next step in the forgiveness process.
So to Speak | with Stephanie Buckley
For me, so much of the plot of memoir is the thinking that happens, the way that the author makes meaning out of the events. People might write about very similar topics or events, but what separates books of similar subject matter is how each author reflects on the events.
KCUR’s Up to Date | with Steve Kraske
The Tamron Hall Show | with Tamron Hall
Gender Knot | with Dan Carroll
Kansas City Public Library | Talk with Q&A
First Draft (Lit Hub Radio) | with Mitzi Rapkin
Feminist Book Club | with Renee Powers
Broads and Books | with Amy Lillard and Erin Johnston
Relacja | with Sylwia Chutnik
The Creative Process | with Mia Funk and Nina Hook
WYPR's On the Record | with Sheilah Kast
The Believer | with Amy Berkowitz
When it came to evaluating the transcripts between Mark and me, my friends pointed out specific examples of Mark evading responsibility. They could see his false equivalencies. And yet I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Electric Literature | with Masie Cochran
#MeToo is about empowering and supporting victims/survivors, and it’s about holding perpetrators accountable. Some of us may disagree about what accountability looks like. But #MeToo is massive enough and sturdy enough to hold different points of view.
Epiphany | with Sophia Shalmiyev
Women are expected to tell their stories—whether in the courtroom or on the page—in mostly impossible ways, and I resent that. And I resent that we’re judged—as women and as artists—for how we satisfy narrative/storytelling norms formalized by men.
Bitch | with Melissa Faliveno
I was thinking about the ways misogyny has shaped my thinking, and the idea that there’s no one way for a victim or survivor to respond or feel.
Ploughshares | with Ray Barker
So in writing this book, I hoped to undermine our cultural perception of rapists. It’s terrifying to think our loved ones are capable of rape, but it’s essential we acknowledge the possibility.
New York's The Cut | with Erica Schwiegershausen
He said, “I’m sorry,” and immediately I was saying, “oh no, it’s okay, we talked about it, I’m fine.” I immediately tried to be accommodating. It felt genuine at the time.
Shondaland | with Sarah Neilson
After I talk with my students, I just feel hopeful about the future, and thankful that I get to spend this time with these kind, empathetic people every week. That is giving me so much hope in a time when it's really hard to feel hopeful.
Bustle | with E. Ce Miller
The shame I felt when writing this book, in 2018, and the shame I felt when the rape happened, back in 2003, made talking about the rape incredibly hard — yet the shame existed for different reasons
Harper's Bazaar | with Nicole Froio
If memoirs about sexual violence are more marketable than they were five years ago—and it does seem that way—I believe there's a lot of good in that. The marketability brings more people into discussions of sexual violence, which means that more people have the language to talk about sexual violence.
Nylon | with Rafael Frumkin
I remember being incredibly anxious—near-panic—doing the transcriptions of the conversations with Mark because I thought, If this sentence isn't exactly like it was recorded on my phone, my entire story will be discredited.
Self | with Hahna Yoon
I wish the justice system were better. I wish there were therapeutic treatments for perpetrators. I would have had such an easier time pressing charges against Mark or against the guy who raped me in my 20s if there were humane prisons where perpetrators were given therapy. Then, I would think he should be punished because the punishment would be productive.
Columbus Alive | with Andy Downing
And this is not a manifesto. It’s just one person’s experience and how I responded. By no means am I holding myself up as a model or saying, ‘This is how you go about achieving restorative justice.’
Kirkus | with Marion Winik
What disturbs me about our conversation is the fact that he said all the right things. He said all the right things back when we were friends, too. That doesn’t mean he was lying, but that our words and our actions don’t always align the way we think they will.
The Times (UK) | with Jane Mulkerrins
It was strange hearing his voice after all that time, but it almost felt like we weren’t talking about ourselves — I was viewing him as a character.
The Rumpus | with The Rumpus Book Club
Learning the FBI’s revised definition of rape was life changing. It reminded me of how important language is.
Lit Hub | with Teddy Wayne
I hate when readers accuse me of writing books for profit. If I was trying to make money, would I really write formally inventive memoirs layered with meta-narratives?
Shelf Awareness | with Julia Kastner
This book became a lot more emotional than I thought it would. But it did give me control over the narrative, to see Mark as a character on the page.
Kansas City Star | with Steve Wieberg
The book kind of felt like armor. I had a reason to contact him, and it immediately put me in a position of power — like I’m writing about this, I’m controlling the narrative.
Welter | with Emely Rodriguez
People judge women who’ve been sexually assaulted more than once—instead of looking at the larger cultural messages we’re sending boys and men.
Ligeia | with Sean Sam
My opinion on a lot of it changes. There might be a day when I’m just completely full of rage and then another day where I think I’m over it. The book might be very different if I returned to it in 10 years.
Tin House Galley Club
A big part of apologizing is making that apology public to the people in one’s community. In this instance, it’d be his family. I lost my relationship with his family. He knows that. And I think he knows it’s the next step in the forgiveness process.
So to Speak | with Stephanie Buckley
For me, so much of the plot of memoir is the thinking that happens, the way that the author makes meaning out of the events. People might write about very similar topics or events, but what separates books of similar subject matter is how each author reflects on the events.
KCUR’s Up to Date | with Steve Kraske
The Tamron Hall Show | with Tamron Hall
Gender Knot | with Dan Carroll
Kansas City Public Library | Talk with Q&A
First Draft (Lit Hub Radio) | with Mitzi Rapkin
Feminist Book Club | with Renee Powers
Broads and Books | with Amy Lillard and Erin Johnston
Relacja | with Sylwia Chutnik
The Creative Process | with Mia Funk and Nina Hook